Article by FTG Contributor Forrest Larson
The FP, like most media these days, be it books, movies, music, whatever, has evolved into an iOS game. In this case though, it’s extremely odd for this game to exist. I assume that most of you have never heard of this movie before. For one, I don’t blame you. The movie came out in a select theater release back in March, and the DVD release was in June. For two, the characters are larger than life in the wrong kind of way. I’ve brought my distant cousin Roy along to give you an idea just what I mean.
“Yo dawg, get it right. It’s Raw Dawg Roy, son,” Roy interrupts. “You gotta respect.”
“Roy, don’t chime in until I ask you to please.”
“It’s Raw Dawg Roy. R-A-W D-A-uh…Roy. A’ight son? As long as you sayin’ please I’ll chill.”
“You gotta save those ducks, bro!,” Raw Dawg adds in agreement.
Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh yes, the plot. The plot of The FP goes something like this. Without spoiling anything about the movie, you’re in a vicious gang war, set in a post-apocalyptic small town Frazier Park (aka: The FP). Here gang battles are decided by Dance Dance Revolution battles. Yeah, you read that right. DDR battles to the death. In a terrific 80′s action hero cliché, your brother is killed in a DDR death match, and the main character is exiled for years. He then returns to kick-some-ass.
Roy blurts out, “No, no. You serious son? Dat’s not how it’s done in my hood.”
“Oh? Do tell what it is you do then Raw Dawg.”
“Now Im’ma set it straight for a second, just clear it all up. I got some beef with this DDR battles. We bring out da Disk of Death. Follow da colors or don’t be frontin’. Red, blue, blue, yellow, green. Patterns be king in the hood. You choose two on two or mano against mano.”
Disk of Death? What the hell is that?
“You suburban livin’ peeps be callin’ it Simon.”
“Really? You play Simon to settle all of your “beef” with other homies?”
“Nah dawg. It ain’t homies we be playin’ with. We throw down with fools steppin’ in our hood. Beep, boop, beep, boop, eerrp, blam! You ain’t flowin’ with da colors, you leavin’ in a body bag son!”
“You’re nuts, Roy. You know that right? Can I get back to my review now?”
“A’ight.”
Keepin’ it real with the BBR showdown.
Cutting a Rug Down on the Dance Floor
The main plot device that the movie uses is the DDR-esque game, Beat Beat Revelation (which sounds like the Dance Dance Revolution rip-off you might find at a Christian book store). The iOS game itself is based around BBR, and its battles are based around the three major battles in the movie. Because of this, this game contains spoilers. While this is shaping up to be one hell of a bad game, there are some elements to it which made me smile. For instance, from initial boot up, the game’s first screen screams at you “Winners Don’t Use Meth.” Really puts you in the setting of the game, since the game/movie is saturated with 80′s movie references. The graphics look like they’re out of a NES game, which fits the game well. As one who has no nostalgic affinity to the real thing (I’m 17), this type of art interests me. Though it may be for the fact that I’m a nerd (as are you if you’re reading this), but with the obvious 80s clichés, it complements the game well.
“Crack is for suckas. Real homies don’t be usin’ drugs,” adds Raw Dawg.
“I think that’s the first thing that has come out of you that is useful thus far Roy. You know, after you run it through a translator.”
Now for the bad things. Unlike the games that I mentioned before, this game has no soul. The movie itself is an homage to films like The Warriors, The Karate Kid, and any 80′s sports movie where someone triumphs against the odds. Unlike all of these however, the game feels bland. The humor from the movie barely transfers over at all. Hell, the game itself isn’t that fun in general. As mentioned before, there are only three important fights. To weaken it more, the fights only take about three minutes of your time. So, provided you have the skills, you can beat this game in 10 minutes. Like most iOS games, the game is short. The FP is noticeably shorter, and with no replay value. After I played the game and got screenshots, I promptly deleted it. The game has its fair share of technical problems as well! I was wearing headphones, and I heard no sound. The controls were very unresponsive as well. I’m not sure if this was for “added difficulty”, but this is unacceptable.
“Has to be somethin’ wrong with your phone then boy,” Roy blurts.
Yeah, well so is this game.
In short, in the immortal words of Jay Sherman (aka: The Critic), it stinks. The game isn’t fun (even for being free), it barely works, the funny doesn’t translate, and it has no soul. If you want a similar experience, just play some DDR while watching the movie.
Raw Dawg cries out, “Why you gotta be hatin’ homie? The FP be speakin’ da truth! It be like they came to da hood and watched it goin’ down. You can’t be dissin’ on da facts!”
“You know Roy; if you actually listened to the words that were coming out of your mouth you would realize just how stupid you sound.”
“Aww, now dats it dawg. Dats disrespectful.”
“Seriously, just stop it Roy. You’re a 40 year old man who lives in his mother’s basement on the wealthy side of town. Stop trying to be ghetto.”
Roy drops his gangster facade, “You ruin everything fun for me Forrest. Oh, your Aunt wanted me to make sure you were coming over for dinner still. She’s making meatloaf!”
Forrest sighs. “Yeah, I’ll be there. At six right?”
This game was played on an iPhone 4. No sound was heard though the speakers, but was heard through headphones. Your mileage may vary. The FP movie is rated R for pervasive language, sexual content, some nudity, and brief drug material.
