We posted a Super Smash Bros. Wii U wishlist over a year ago because we were longing for another entry. When it was announced at E3 that year, we were doubly excited. Now that Super Smash Bros. Wii U is promised at this year’s E3, we can do some serious wishing and speculating.
Now, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love Rare, Ltd. Half the time I praise them when playing an entirely different game. Of course, I stopped loving Rare when they were relegated to creating Avatar awards and Kinect piss-discs. Perhaps it’s better to say I feel sorry for them: what was once the mastermind behind the likes of Conker’s Bad Fur Day, Banjo Kazooie, and Donkey Kong 64 had seen a tear-jerking fall from grace.
But the excitement of Super Smash Bros. Wii U and the mourning of a fallen company bring me to my point: we need Rare characters in Super Smash Bros. Wii U! It may not ever happen, but, Lord on a lapwing, it needs to. Here are four characters that deserve a shot.
Hey, remember when I mentioned Conker’s Bad Fur Day two paragraphs ago? It’s a good game (one of my first M-rated titles) – you should play it. The titular squirrel Conker is perfect for Super Smash Bros. Wii U for two reasons: his look and his move set. See, Nintendo loves its lovable anthropomorphic characters, and Conker has it in spades. Of course, his nature is contrary to his looks. He swings a frying pan, pees on fires, fires a slingshot, and transforms into a bat – all things that would make a fantastic set of attacks for a fighter.
Banjo and Kazooie
Quick – name a duo in Smash Bros. Ice Climbers, yes. Anyone else? Exactly. Sure, Captain Olimar has a team of Pikmin, and the Pokemon trainer is three characters in one, but the bear and bird would still make a great addition to Super Smash Bros. Wii U. They perform many tasks together, and splitting them up only doubles what they can do. Hopping in Banjo’s sack (don’t think about it), trotting around on Kazooie’s breegull legs…these are two of a veritable money shot-load of abilities. Oh, and stages? Yeah, Banjo Kazooie totally doesn’t have several iconic platforming levels… Sarcasm, by the way.
Better known to most of you as “Who?,” Mr. Pants is Rare’s semi-official mascot. Here’s a sort-of sticker figure…without pants. Yep. So why does he deserve a shot in Super Smash Bros. Wii U? While he only had one game, he made cameos in many. He was spotted in Banjo Tooie (yay!), Jet Force Gemini (eh), and Banjo Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts (ew…). So if Rare was basically Nintendo’s mascot in the 90s…and Mr. Pants is basically Rare’s mascot… Yeah, that math checks out. Let’s make him playable, shall we?
Rash, Zitz, and Pimple – just three toads who like to battle. Some know that Battletoads was developed by Rare; others know it as “that game with the damn dam.” Here’s the deal. The Pokemon Trainer is a three-in-one character. The Battletoads have that covered. Pokemon is a legendary series. Battletoads is a legendary game. I’m not saying the fighting frogs of Battletoads should replace the dog-fighting monsters of Pokemon, but… Listen, Super Smash Bros. Wii U has a chance to give credence to this great (and greatly forgotten) game. That’s all.
So there are four picks for Super Smash Bros. Wii U (which we know isn’t the real title, by the way). Keep in mind: these are just from Rare games, and we didn’t even scratch the surface of the Rare, Ltd. iceberg. If you have any suggestions, we’d love to hear them! Otherwise, just tell us we’re idiots for picking these guys or whatever…